All Tomorrow's Parties

fancyclaps @ 2009-05-03T02:36:00

2009-05-03T09:36:11Z

I love you.

fancyclaps @ 2008-05-21T01:23:00

2008-05-21T08:24:17Z

The other night Allison and I yelled things at everyone walking down my street from my window until two guys responded. I was out of toilet paper so I used their bathroom down the street.

Then I stole their toilet paper and left.

fancyclaps @ 2008-04-25T03:06:00

2008-04-25T10:07:34Z

everybody deserves to be adored, why would you settle for less when the world gives you more?

fancyclaps @ 2008-04-05T15:59:00

2008-04-05T22:59:56Z

Oh look at that, paying rent without a penny from my parents. Yayuhhhh

3/27/08

2008-03-28T19:57:38Z

I'm moving in this really odd direction .. I want things I thought I didn't before, and comfort sounds so much better these days. So much better.

fancyclaps @ 2008-03-28T01:04:00

2008-03-28T08:04:53Z

Yeah, I don't blame myself either.

fancyclaps @ 2008-03-14T06:25:00

2008-03-14T13:30:02Z

I went to see the Bloody Beet Roots but it ended up being inside Pop Scene with a $14 cover I didn't want Ashley to pay for me. I decided to sit across the street and wait for a ride that was never going to come. I decided to walk and got lost and walked toward the bay (stupid SOMA), and finally got myself walking where I needed to be going. I need to get pepper spray. No liquor stores would let me use their bathrooms; they would all let me buy more Sparks. Found myself inside of the bathroom of the Matador doing Jello Shots with sticky hands screaming with everyone "This is the least horrible thing we could all be crammed in a stall secretly doing!" Talked to my 6'6 wanna-be-lovah from last year, over it. Joose outside. Tecate inside. Joose, should be an every day thing.

I couldn't sleep all last night and took two sleeping pills. Right now feels like noon.

the cleanest i've been in over a year

2008-03-11T13:51:48Z

sobriety induces even worse insomnia. alone with thoughts!

whatever

2008-03-07T00:14:21Z

fancyclaps @ 2008-03-03T00:37:00

2008-03-03T08:42:28Z

Tried to sleep off the let down, but was woken up by the loudest roommate sex possibly ever. Now I get to deal with the night by myself and asking myself why my insides shift so frequently into being needy. Why everything always goes back to the same thing. Why I can't just can't cross that barrier in my mind anymore. Someone I would like to consider very close to me told me tonight that if I slept around I wouldn't be alone. Shame on them.

I feel like there is a sea of people constantly unintentionally shaping me. I hate that I can't pinpoint individuals that are making me who I am anymore. Every single day I am reminded of a few key people that have made me who I am, and wonder if I'm crazy for thinking of them over the smallest things when I'm walking down the street. New Montgomery Street made me randomly remember running down it crying a few years ago, your back to me and my legs couldn't keep up with your angry ones. I silently laughed to myself, and crossed the street. Stupid kid.

Life used to consist of loud music in my car, always in a rush to get away or get home to bed up and down i-80. Now life is filled with avoiding eye contact on transit mainly going downtown, the 7 block walk to Stephanie's on Haight, or the train to Oakland. Most nights are speakers on my bed, my friends hanging off the edge propped up with pillows while I rummage through piles of clothes on my floor to try to finish getting ready. Casanova's orange walls, my empty food cabinet, my ridiculous text inbox, bike pile ups, I'm still not sure how fondly I will look back on this time in my life in a few years. Possibly amorously, yet glad it was over.

In time, you’ll find needing things only kills you slowly.
If you’re not sure who you are, you’re not alone.
If you’re not sure what you want, you’re not alone.
If you’re not sure of life of love, you’re not alone.
Tell your friends, hey come on over and we'll talk.
You bring the drinks, I’ll bring the bad news.
Everyone feels like you.

damnit

2008-02-29T22:27:22Z

I already got Notebooked once in my life, then last nights LOST episode put me right back over the edge. Please envision me in my bed with my laptop to my face bawling over a TV show. It just happened.

all i know is

2008-02-28T11:05:50Z

I was in a really weird, semi-depressed mood earlier. THEN! I hung out with my good old buddies Colin and Sean and I am happily at home now with my new Slurpee machine. Slurpee, anyone?

Why it sucks being a girl:

2008-02-25T08:29:58Z

Getting followed home and having some random man try to get into my house. And grabbing my arm and AHHH I need pepper spray.

Oh! 5:32AM and still awake! Adrenaline is not a fun thing to experience at night.

fancyclaps @ 2008-02-24T04:44:00

2008-02-24T12:44:51Z

fancyclaps @ 2008-02-21T04:07:00

2008-02-21T12:12:48Z

I saw her work at the MOMA a few years ago and I still think about how beautiful it was:

There was an installation with these chairs that teetered over our heads, ready to collapse, with drips of red wine splashing down at our feet every few moments. I waited for the whole bottle to pour down at any moment, but it never did.

it was wild

2008-02-19T10:09:20Z

Texts from random guy I met a month ago:

"You're one of those in the moment girls huh. You don't trust men which either means your Dad wasn't around or you've been hurt a lot but I would need to know the average age of the guys you date to answer that. All I know is you're damaged."

Oh. So that's the kind of text I get for finally responding and saying I don't want to get pancakes with this dude. Great. Not all girls are damaged sluts, genius.

The girl to the right of me liked me because I wasn't disgusted by her drug abuse.

The first time I met that boy was at my Halloween party of hell and I was so drunk and upset I was punching him as hard as I could. He was in a french maids costume.

That texter guy is pounding on my window and I'm pretending to be asleep. My living situation would be perfect if my rent wasn't about $200 out of my price range and the couple upstairs didn't sound like they were body slamming eachother between the hours of 11-pm and 2am each night. My lease is up in April. Should I just move to Canada?

I keep thinking my time here is never going to end. No matter what. I'm going to keep meeting the new people who cycle into this city and keep going to their goodbye parties and meet their new friends who are moving in. I bet it would be the same if I stayed in Vacaville. I'd feel like it was never my time to go because a few of my friends were still there. Or even my idiotic thoughts about Sacramento. "Oh, but I can't leave Brigette and John!" It doesn't matter anywhere you live.

On Sean about me moving to Canada:

i'd give it two weeks and even in another country you'll have a dozen new friends

I know nothing about Canada. Where is Toronto? There are cheap rooms there! THANK YOU CRAIGSLIST!

mcd

2008-02-19T09:10:55Z

extreme flannel

2008-02-18T07:01:43Z

Not gonna lie, I admire Rayanne's style each and every episode. Noooo joke.

Hooray!

2008-02-15T12:53:15Z

Our weekend starts on Weeeeeeednesdayyyyyyyyyyy
& we will race the world to get there!

fancyclaps @ 2008-02-12T01:56:00

2008-02-12T10:03:44Z

My hair situation is getting absolutely out of control. Last night I was taking my necklace off before I went to bed. In my drunken stupor I didn't care how I got it off and threw it on my bathroom counter. I was showering earlier this afternoon and couldn't figure out what I kept feeling toward the nape of my neck. I finally got ahold of whatever was in my hair, and pulled out a good two inches of gold chain from my necklace that must have gotten caught in my hair and snapped off. What the fuck? I'm going to find a bird in there next, I swear.

I stole these from Sharon:

ohmyfucking god.

2008-02-10T01:15:34Z

I'm gagging from laughing so hard.

fancyclaps @ 2008-02-08T14:41:00

2008-02-08T22:53:14Z

I was sick for almost over a week. In my death bed, unable to function in the world sick. Now I'm okay. We actually got invited to go over to someone elses house for a change, and didn't leave until 5AM after thoroughly kicking their asses at Wii and dance partying their faces off. We're great guests.

fancyclaps @ 2008-02-07T05:02:00

2008-02-07T13:03:17Z

market to duboce to 16th to dolores

fancyclaps @ 2008-01-23T07:39:00

2008-01-23T15:46:27Z

no sleep

angelina michelle

2008-01-20T11:15:57Z

i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i need you.
michelle, my bell, these are words that go together well.
i love you
i love you
i love you, that's all i want to say.
i need you.